That time of day

When it's too late to start a new project before I get on with my evening.

So... I slack off. And find this goodness:



I should slack off more often. This is me in every way and can be found here.

Friday Nights

A real conversation that happened with a real friend. Really.

Miss Marie: is there anything going on Friday night?
Meesh: hmmm not yet that my brain can piece together
Meesh: I resent Friday night
Meesh: the week is so busy
Meesh: every night crammed with busy-ness
Meesh: and then wham
Meesh: the dead silence of Friday night hits you
Meesh: like the lame leftover weeknight busybody you are
Meesh: Friday's job is to remind you how NOT busy, successful, brilliant and otherwise wonderful you are
Meesh: Friday spells rejection

Miss Marie: for real
Miss Marie: I have started to resent Friday nights

Meesh: wow
Meesh: I just wrote a blog in our chat
Meesh: sorry to get all creative-writing-Suzy on you
Meesh: :)
Miss Marie: lol

Isn't that SO sad?! Friday is supposed to represent the freedom of the weekend and yet here all I can do is bemoan it's impending reminder of loser-ville.

So ya. Don't talk to me about Friday night's unless you're inviting me to do something. Maybe I'll start a club. The Friday Night Hater Club.

The end.

ps. I'm not bitter. I actually thought all of that was really funny. And for the record, I'm busy this Friday night. Thanks for asking. :)

Shout out

Some people think I'm over dramatic. I assure you I am not. My life is.

This weekend was our Stake Conference. Saturday night I attended the adult session and afterward milled around visiting with old and new friends. As we sat around talking a rather handsome young man walked past us.

My friend Marie gawked and said, "Meesh! You should talk to him."

I caught a brief glimpse at him as he walked past and into the crowd. I thought nothing of it. A bunch of us were planning on meeting at dinner afterward at Spark (yum!) and we started to head out the door. Suddenly someone grabbed my arm and spun me around. I was expecting to see some friend I hadn't properly greeted but was surprised instead to see my Stake President. While we're good friends he's usually a mild mannered sort and doesn't go around grabbing and whirling members of his Stake. We greeted each other and he then quickly turned and introduced me to none other than the gentleman Marie and I had gawked at a few minutes before. President B. (as we'll call him) quickly explained that this handsome young man was new to the area and was just checking out the wards. I chatted with him briefly about his background and then invited him to dinner with the group. President B. couldn't be more delighted and gave me a wink and a thumb's up as this poor guy nervously smiled and agreed to join us.

The rest of the evening was fun but pretty nondescript. Phone numbers were awkwardly exchanged at the end of the night and I wrote the evening off as fun but I probably wouldn't be seeing him again.

The next day was Stake Conference. Bodies snuggly tucked into a packed concert hall = warm. A late night the night before combined with the heat combined with well intentioned talks left me dozing. And then President B. stood up as the last speaker. He's a great man and a great speaker. I always learn so much from listening to him. His topic was the topic of the conference: Friendship. I took notes as I listened to his stories of reaching out to others but I stopped short in my note-taking tracks when he stated, "I witnessed an example of such reaching out just last night."

Quick interruption to our story here: I've been in my stake for a long time. For that reason I know the Stake leadership really really well. Occasionally when Stake Conferences have extra time the Stake Presidency will call on members of the Stake to come up and share their testimonies. This part of Stake Conference has always terrified me. I always breath a sigh of relief when time is short and this opportunity for "exposure" is missed. That being said, I really shouldn't have been surprised by what took place next. This is me and my ironic life we're talking about here, after all.

President B. then told the story of a young man who was new to the area and whom he had invited to attend our stake conference to get a better view into the "opportunities" this stake could provide him. The young man came and greeted President B. at the end of the Saturday evening session. President B. was delighted to see him and looked around desperately for ANYONE to introduce and befriend this young man. He went for the first girl within reach, "And there she was, Michelle Barnum."

From the beginning of the story I knew he was talking about me and that poor guy. What I didn't realize was that he would call me out by name. He then continued on about how I reached out to this guy and invited him to dinner. President B. choked up as he recounted his drive home later with his wife, "This is what we need more of in our Stake. More people reaching out to others like Michelle. Bless Michelle. God bless her."

I. Was. Mortified. To say the least. I'm not easily embarrassed and so I forget how my body physically reacts to embarrassment. It jumps by about 20 degrees, my heart starts racing and I lose all traction in my hands. I also get all fidgety as fight or flight syndrome kicks in. As I said, I knew from the beginning of the story that he was talking about me and so all those elements started to kick in. The guys sitting next to me later told me they wondered why I got so jumpy all of a sudden. And then President B. said my name. Over and over again. And then everyone who knew me turned and looked at me. Oh gosh. I couldn't get out of that place fast enough!

Honestly it was really sweet of President B. to think I'm great. It's even sweeter of him to say so publicly. It's probably about time that he started praying for me by name (I'm sure my parental unit will be glad to hear it). But seriously I couldn't have been more embarrassed by that shout out.

While I thought I'd never see my date from the night before again, we did randomly see each other in the hallway afterward as I was still reeling from my new-found stake-wide fame. Fortunately for me he hadn't heard the story. He had come late to conference and walked in as it was ending. Not that it mattered. President B. left his name out of the story.

From the Shallows

The Undead Classics.
I prefer Austen with a bit more gore.

I don't love bookstores outside of airports. I usually buy most of my books in airports right before a long flight. Because I'm shallow I like to read fiction, but I feel rightly guilty for it. So this week when I bought two books before a flight - one a best seller and the other a classic I was pleased with my investment in the furthering my intelligence. Sorta. I bought "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." The title made me giggle in the middle of a bookstore filled with harried travelers. And so I bought it.

I also bought the new Dan Brown book, "The Lost Symbol" which was the book I spent most of my combined 12 hours of flying reading (the "classics" can wait). I've determined the formula for writing a Dan Brown book includes:

• Everything must happen and be resolved within 24hrs. Reminds me of a certain TV show....




• Speaking of a certain TV show, the hero is some sort of Jack-Bauer-Ninja-Symobologist type. Tweed and nun-chucks. That's how he rolls.
  




• A single villain. No more no less. And he must be brilliant, wealthy, and absolutely psychotic.




• An older woman of stunning beauty. And their shoulders must brush. And she must be in love with him after he saves her from some sacrificial altar. But he'll be on to some new woman by the next book. He is a Harvard man after all.




• Cataclysmic abyss if ancient secrets don't remain so.
  

Ugh it's all the same. Each of his books. And yet I learn stuff from them. Like, did you know Washington DC was originally patterned after Rome? Was even initially named Rome? The Potomac being previously named the Tiber. And all sorts of other junk I can't remember at the moment about the Masons.

In other news I'd really like to see the new Coco Chanel movie. It's currently only playing at the Broadway Theatre in the downtown SLC which makes it feel oh so exclusive, artsy and/or indie. I think I'll become moody and misunderstood and go and see it. Anyone care to join me?

A Kelly Clarkson Summer

Should I be concerned when my life relates to a WHOLE Kelly Clarkson album?
I think yes.

You know how when you're in the middle of relationship drama every song on the radio some how applies to you? Well. This summer I noticed a disturbing trend in my personal life: I could relate to almost all the songs on the latest album from Kelly Clarkson.


Kelly. I like you and all but I'm not sure how I feel about this:

1. I Do Not Hook Up - Remember the booty call incident? Ya. This song literally stopped me from allowing it.
   




2. Long Shot - Due to my spontaneous nature I sometimes throw myself into situations which cause my more responsible and risk averse side to, for lack of a better term, freak out. This song talked me down after committing to a week long trip with a certain guy.




3. Tip of my Tongue - Oh the anger relationships can cause when they start to become inconsistent. This song doesn't apply to anyone in particular due to the fact that I dated multiple interesting individuals this summer. What drove me nuts was when they would be in love of me one week and randomly disappear on me the next. "Why are women crazy?!" men ask? It's because you make us crazy. The end.
   




4. Already Gone - The song I sobbed to on my way to work after things ended with the guy I gave the long shot to.




5. Ready - I've been feeling oh so happy and content lately. Grounded even. I've never felt more whole in my entire existence. It's so out of the norm for me I can only call it a gift from the Divine. It makes me feel like all this drama hasn't been for nothing.
   

PS. I'm sleeping in Virginia Beach tonight. Out my window is the Atlantic, the full moon reflecting off it's white-capped shore breaks. As I gazed out at those hypnotizing waters I realized in all my trips East I had never been in the Atlantic. Tonight I remedied that.

Ambivalence

I was chatting with Kat a couple of weeks ago about how she and her honey-bunny Steve have been married for a year now. Wow, that's nuts to me. Anywho. She was baffled as to how ambivalent she had been toward him when they first met. She was just kinda like, "Whatever." with little to no interest. Looking back it broke her heart that she ever thought of the man she deeply loves like that.

She then said, "Meesh I wonder what guy you're ambivalent to that could be perfect for you."

Her simple statement sunk deep into me and lately, I have to admit, I've been seeing the day-in and day-out guys in my life differently. Sometimes I think I'm so wanting and waiting for someone to wake up and see ME differently, but what am I doing to see others differently? To see them with value and worth and beauty and goodness beyond what they choose to outwardly show?

That being said I met plenty of guys this weekend who, while nice, were not interesting to me. As in my brain went on screen saver while they were talking. A few of my favorite quotes from this weekend:

• "Ya basically I'm living out of my price range but I've got student loans so I'm like, 'Live it up!' " - Stake Halloween party dude.
  



• "Basketball is my life! I really don't have time to do anything else because I have two leagues I play in and have to keep track of how my Jazz are doing!" - Former interest doused by completely yawn-worthy ward prayer conversation.
  



• "You haven't seen Star Fighter?! Were you born under a rock? Mullets and Nintendo are what define a movie as a classic." -said by the BO reeking Geek Squad I got cornered by at a Friday night party.
  

Being ambivalent is one thing. Being bored (or bugged) out of my mind is quite another.

Master of None

I find myself to be mediocre at best. Truly. I was coming home from yoga last night reveling in the post-beating endorphins and was thinking about how hard it is and how crappy I am at it. But I'm not bad at it either. And that got me thinking about the other things I'm crappy at but not bad at either:

1. Athletics - I'm not athletic at all. I like being active but I guarantee I'll be in the back of the pack in any race, hike, or sport. None-the-less if I can release myself from comparisons, I really enjoy doing it all.

   
   

2. Music - I love to sing and play the piano. No one's going to pay money to listen to me but I find it to be a great source of expression and relief.
   


3. Creativity - I used to spank art competitions in grade school. I even took some painting classes at school. I own an easel for heavens sake! I love pottery but all my stuff looks like a 3 year old made it and then sat on it.


4. Analysis - I have a very analytical mind but put anything with math in front of me and my brain goes on screen saver. Literally. Just. Stops. And I was pretty good at math in school. What gives?!


5. Spirituality - Boy do I love Jesus but I forget about Him around Monday at 9am. It's hard to keep the Spirit alive in my life - a constant struggle really.
   

In this somewhat positive/negative thought process I realized I'm really well rounded! I also realized that these weaknesses are actually really good for my competitive soul. I'm always pushing myself, still trying to improve, but I've realized I'm never going to be a master at most of the things in my life. And I think that's ok, as long as I keep trying.

What things are you good at but not?

Halloween Apathy

Sarah and I at one of our hosted murder dinner parties.

Ever since I was a wee lass I've always been SUPER excited about Halloween. Any opportunity to dress up in fancy clothes and jewelry was alright by me and this was the time of year in which it was actually encouraged! Many a night in the weeks prior to Halloween were spent digging through my Mom's vintage dresses and jewelry putting together just the right look. I remember being a gypsy in the 4th grade, a prom queen in the 5th, and my favorite was a "Cinderella" look with my Mom's homecoming dress in the 6th. Ah nostalgia...

The black wig.
I've been just about everything in it: Chinese girl, Cher, Cleopatra... love that thing.

The years since have been a similar melee of excitement. The older I've gotten the more extravagant the costumes. I'll stop by the local theatre to actually rent some fancy gettup. I've even taken up hosting murder parties in the past couple of years.

One of the hosted murder parties


Maybe it's about having motivated friends to get excited with?

And then I hit the wall. Ugh. Something HAPPENED this year and I couldn't be less motivated to "celebrate" all hallows eve. I haven't even carved a pumpkin! Pretty sure that's a first in my life's history.

Ah the simplicity of yesteryear

I was watching Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin last night and appreciated the simplicity in their costumes: sheets with the occasional mask. It's a highly tempting look.

One of my simpler costumes capitalized on political scandal.
That year I was "the intern."

And then there are the parties. Oh the parties! Could I be invited to more freaking parties?! And they're spread from the bottom of Utah county to the top of Salt Lake County. Instead of excitement I feel pressure. I feel like I have to go to every last one and if I don't I won't be doing "my part" to meet my husband. Oh gosh, the life of the "older" single female.

This was just last year. Last year I was IN it.
What the heck happened 2009?

Is it so wrong that I want to make an appearance at ONE party and then recruit some friends to come over and watch some almost-scary-movie like "Watchers in the Woods?"

But alas, I have a lifetime of expectations to uphold and I will be delivering. Heading to the old costume shop today. Couldn't be more excited. Woohoo... {insert Eeyore voice here}

Oblivious

Well duh!
Ya, some things are not as obvious to some of us.

You know those moments when you realize someone likes you like THAT?

Evidently I'm oblivious to the more subtle gestures of interest. So when a certain gentleman suddenly became more obvious, my reaction to dawning realization?

"Oh! Oh...."

I'm ridiculous.

Poor guy.

In what ways are YOU oblivious?

More of the Little Peeps

Last Sunday evening I swooped up to Kari's house for the final weekend of Fall. That could only mean one thing: family photo time!

Sadly we didn't have much light left by the time I arrived, but we were able to caputre a few gems of the motely crew.

There are blue eyes and then there are blue eyes. Jax, darling, you have the latter.

Couldn't be a better representation of the truth than this.

Ah now that's more like it.

And then, of course, my favorite shot from the whole shoot.

Someday I will have a daughter and I hope she looks just like you my darling Paiters-taiters.

Little Peeps

Dude! G-man! When did you get permission to grow up?! Gosh amighty!

One of literally hundreds I took and finally got one where they are ALL looking at the camera at the same time.

Phew!

Even Paiters Taiters can't believe it.

And then moments later looking about as precious as you can be.

Boston in a daze...

And... I'm back.

And... I'm really tired from acquiring a version of the stomach flu.

But... I was a trooper and survived (and enjoyed) a wedding in the fa-reezing cold of New England Fall, dancing with a little amigo grandpa at the following reception, getting snowed in and not getting to go to New Hampshire and cruising around downtown Boston in the aftermath of the aforementioned stomach flu.

Thanks Monica and family for a thoroughly relaxing weekend!

PS. Does anyone else feel super sad when they get back from vacation? Feeling like I should be planning another one right about... now.

Crappy Packer

That's right. I'll admit it. Despite my massive experience with traveling, I am a crappy packer. I think I'm crappy at packing primarily BECAUSE I've traveled so much. And while I'm usually traveling to places where I can acquire anything I really need, it still sucks to arrive at my hotel and realize I've forgotten my toothbrush, mascara, or in one of my least favorite scenarios, underwear.

Ya, that wasn't fun.

Wish me luck on packing tonight! Oh and I'll have some fun pictures for us to enjoy when I get back so hold tight for a few days.

I the meantime enjoy this fun video and the recipe for what sounds like the world's greatest chocolate chip cookie (which if I made I'd find a way to ruin):

Ironies

Chat with my sister Shaunae this afternoon:

Shaunae: We leave for New Hampshire for Kami's baby's blessing on Friday...too much to do and I procrastinated today.

Me: I'll be in New Hampshire this weekend too!

Shaunae: NO WAY! What the heck? Are you serious?

Me: Yep. I'm going to be in Boston and we're going for a drive up to New Hampshire Sunday afternoon. :)

Shaunae: I'm speechless.

And so my trip to Boston has turned into an overnight rendezvous at Lake Winnipesaukee (insert "What About Bob" joke here) with my dear sister and her family.

Dang it. I should have kept it a secret and just showed up on her doorstep. That's how I usually roll. Shaunae, act surprised ok?

I love it when life is ironic in a good way.

Divine

General Conference is always a special time of year for me. And while this time I may have had a crusty outer layer to break through, Conference delivered like it always does.

Conference is usually spent with a laser sharp focus on the first three sessions and then a well-intentioned, yet expected, spaced-out-ness (i.e. nap) on the last session. Well I wouldn't be me if it didn't take me 8 hours of the Spirit to finally break through to me. Second Session on Sunday afternoon blew me away. Hands down the best conference experience I've had in a very long time.

Between sessions on Sunday I hosted a rather large taco "party". As second session approached I invited a few to stay but mostly kicked everyone else out so I could focus on the upcoming session. The crowds noisily departed and I was left with a few of my friends chatting away. As the Mormon Tabernacle Choir started on the opening song, "Oh Divine Redeemer" my living room went silent. I was riveted. And when I say me, I mean my soul. I couldn't blink. I'm pretty sure I kept breathing. My heart wanted to throw itself at the screen. And that was just the opening song!

And then Elder Holland took the stand. In the LDS Church we're not much for pulpit pounding but let me tell you... that's the closest I've ever seen. And. It. Was. Awesome.

And then there were the Seventies. Unfortunately my attention towards Seventies' talks is like, "Oh that was nice. Whatever." But oh my goodness they were ALL amazing. I especially LOVED Elder Brent H Nielson's talk. Here's a quote that still makes me all squishy inside:

"I did not realize those many years ago, as we prayed for the borders to open and the missionaries to go in, that I was praying for our son. Most importantly for you of the rising generation, our son Eric did not realize that he and his companions were the answer to the prayers that had been offered by thousands of faithful Saints so many years ago."

Sorry this post is scattered here and yon, but bottom line: I didn't want Conference to end. I usually don't. I feel like a different person, like I live in a different world. I feel Spiritually stuffed and I realize how I need that feeling more often. I didn't want to go back to "the world." I suppose it's a taste, a reminder of a life we've known before and can know again.

Firecracker

Sometimes I get like this.
Example sponsored by Corynny.

I feel the need to apologize to you beloved readers out there (all 5.3 of you). I get worked up sometimes. Ok, often I get all worked up. I get passionate and all fiery. What you don't see about my passionate displays is that, like fireworks and falling stars, they come to visit for 8 seconds and then pass into the dark of the night.

Sadly what you don't often get to see or hear about is when I get easily excited, giddy, and all around jumpy because I'm in love with something or someone. It happens almost as often. And usually over something I should be wearing. Remember I'm shallow first and foremost.

We ok?

ps. I know what kind of Mom I'm going to be someday. The self-centered kind.

pps. My life's theme song for love.

America's Mascot

My blood is boiling right now in what I can only refer to as baffled indignation. I mean I'm all about Americans making change in the world and that sorta thing, but really? Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize? For what again? His efforts to do what exactly? The world is officially smoking the Obama Peyote. Evidently they're selling it in duty free stores along with the corners outside America's 7-11s.

Last night I was watching the MLB playoffs, munching on some left over Thai beef waterfall (heaven!) when I saw this commercial:

I'm sorry but is anyone else BAFFLED? Is THIS what our PRESIDENT is spending his time doing? Isn't there an economic crisis going on? Isn't there a major health reform debate going on? Isn't there immigration policy, and oh, I don't know real global threats from Iran? Nope. Evidently he needs to spend more time on Letterman, The Today Show, TBS, and let's not forget a swift trip to Denmark to plead for an Olympic bid (sorry Chicago, I love you, but seriously? Seriously.)

All these things remind me of team mascots. Usually sports teams are too busy practicing, working out, and playing games to make appearances so they send the team mascot. Sounds like America's got our very own mascot: Barak Hussein Obama. Freakin' mermaid on the ship. Useless.

My Children

WARNING: Long post ahead

The end of relationships leaves one's self view completely thrown to the wolves. What many who were easily married don't understand is the proof they have of their worth, their value, their lovableness. I was explaining this late into the evening last weekend to my dear sister Kari. The love of her husband, no matter her crazy moments, is proof that she is ok - that at her very core she's worthwhile. And his love, while others might not understand it (we've all lifted an eyebrow at others' relationships at times) is proof enough that that person is acceptable.

And so to come unexpectedly out of yet another relationship is proof, yet again, that something is wrong, unacceptable, and unlovable about me. Right? I can sense you in all your collective responses... No! And I appreciate that response. But after years of handing your precious worth into the hands of another (mine started on the first day of the first grade) it gets tiring to hear the pep talk that comes in a moment of need when I have years of proof that would speak to the contrary.

So what does all this have to do with my children? Well they are getting impatient and they made themselves heard today. I'm not claiming any visions in the night. But I am claiming perspective.

Last night I had a brief conversation with a friend at a party. While the crowds chatted and flirted, a small group of us were drawn into a conversation about our children and the world they will live in. We discussed the ugliness that exists now and shuddered at what it would be like when our kids finally arrived. Suddenly my friend blurted, "This is why we're older and not married! Our children need mothers with experience - the more painful and challenging the better! They NEED strong mothers who can give them what they really need." In a phrase, they need women who have had their beings, worth, value and values challenged.

Today as I thought about her words suddenly in my mind I saw the rejections and the pains of the past rush forward past my present and into the lives of my future children. I saw me confidently reassuring them through their rejections and triumphs because of my experiences.

Like a mother's ability to pass along a genetic imprint of her immune system through her milk to her newborn infant, so can we pass along the strength of spiritual "immunity" to our children. I've been told our experiences are custom designed for us, but maybe they're even more for them. Because they need to be even stronger than we are.

Satan would have us collapse inward under the "proof" that life's rejections define our worth. But it isn't true. After what I experienced today I am led to believe our experiences - painful and joyful - are not proof of our lack of worth but are proof of what is actually entrusted to us. "All these things shall give thee experience..." but it is also for the good and experience of our children. If you doubt that, just ask Stephanie Nielson.

Not too late...

Before I say anything else, listen to this song by Norah Jones.

Okay, phew. We can move on now.

This morning I was reading this month's Ensign and came to an article called "Truth & Lies" all about the lies we believe from the father of despair, discouragement, despondency and depression. I especially loved this quote from the late Elder Neal A Maxwell:

“May I speak, not to the slackers in the Kingdom, but to those who carry their own load and more; not to those lulled into false security, but to those buffeted by false insecurity, who, though laboring devotedly in the Kingdom, have recurring feelings of falling forever short. … There is a difference … between being ‘anxiously engaged’ and being over-anxious and thus underengaged. … We can distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil’s dissonance, between dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second, remembering that when conscience calls to us from the next ridge, it is not solely to scold but also to beckon.”

I feel the need to bear witness of the truth of this statement. When the Spirit moves upon us to change it is always done with encouragement - not the despair of never and always. As in "I'll always be like this, I'll never be better." I know this is true. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is about hope and change.

From the same article, think on this quote by President Boyd K Packer:

"...there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no offense exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. … Restoring what you cannot restore, healing the wound you cannot heal, fixing that which you broke and you cannot fix is the very purpose of the atonement of Christ.”

Images from the interwebs

Something to make you smile. Found on "melodymaker’s posterous"

Something to make you wonder. "Mayan Interdimensional Star Map"

Something to make you worry. Economic theories by Keynes and Hayek.

Monday's Playlist

Working on Asian data statistics today. That means I can rock out to music with lyrics. When I actually have to read and comprehend it's only classical -- Mom's brain washing.

So here are some of the songs on my playlist today. Hope you had a fantabulous Monday!

Happy Conferencing!

I'm cautiously excited for this weekend. I have some tough stuff I'd like to talk to God about but haven't been able to bring myself to do it lately. Thus I don't feel adequately prepared for the things my heart needs to hear. Do you ever go through those moments?

But like the song on the radio this morning by the Fugees, ready or not, here it comes. I have 18 hours to get my heart in tune. Starting... now.

On the Interwebs

As found on "Perfect Sentiment"

Some fun jewelry from the site Elsewheres:

More oxidized copper found at "We dream in color"

Cuteness by "Figs and Ginger"

Real Simple's weekly newsletter is inspiring my latest craze to redo my livingroom:

and entry way:

Finally look at this super cute wall decorating idea:

Brought to us by "Creature Comforts"

Welcome Snow!

15 inches the first day. More snow scheduled for tonight.

In honor of the first snow of the season (yeah!) I wrote some reviews of the resorts and any deals going on for locals.

Deer Valley - The best food in Utah lives here. And the most expensive pass. But the customer service is absolutely amazing. Makes me wish I had an the money to go with my already snooty attitude. Exclusive to skiers.

Park City Mountain Resort - My favorite back woods experience. I tore my ACL at this place and I still love it.

The Canyons - Lots of terrain here. A little lower elevation-wise and always packed with kids but they've got a killer cherry picker deal going on right now.

Sundance - Super convenient and beautiful views make up for the slowest lift in Utah. They just added night skiing this year too.

Alta - Like Deer Valley but less snooty. Alta is for the true skiing locals. Super rugged terrain and free skiing after 3pm make Alta great for any skier looking for some time in the powda.

Snowbird - Where a green circle is a double blue square anywhere else. I thought I was going to die in Mineral basin many times. Loved every second.

Brighton - Snowboarder's heaven. Not my favorite but then I am a ski snob. They always have cool deals going on though to get the local boarders out in force.

Solitude - No experience with this one but I hear it's name delivers.

Since I've never been up to any of the other Northern or Southern resorts I won't put their info up here. But let it be said that with 13 resorts across the state, Utah delivers in the snow sport department.

If you're feeling the need to cherry pick from all the resorts, check out Ski Utah's Silver and Gold passes. If you have the time and the money they're right up your alley. Other discount passes can be found at various ski shops in Salt Lake and Utah Counties, but Canyon Sports seems to offer passes at all the major ones.

If skiing/snowboarding isn't your thing check out the X-country skiing options at Sundance, Soldier Hollow, or on the groomed trails in Park City. Also you can't go wrong with snowshoeing. That'll warm you right up.

TheMeesh Weekly Travel Picks

Turkey anyone?

Usually I'm always up for a good day dream about travel but with the change in the temperatures this week all I want to do is snuggle down at home. I know this won't last long before cabin fever strikes. One of the best things you can do to help you cope with the cold, with work, with life in general is to plan a trip. I myself am very bad at this due to my previously-discussed spontaneous nature. However I am starting to think maybe I should be a little more proactive in my adventure planning. {Sigh} I guess you have to grow up sometime.

$6 -- Utah Jazz Preseason Games in Salt Lake City, 60% OFF

$15 -- World Finals of Bull Riding in Las Vegas, Half Price -- Quick explanation here. Last night I was at home working on some, uh, work, while the tv channel guide was rotating through what was on. Bull Riding scrolled onto the screen and I yelled out "Bull riding" with glee. Not that I watched it. I saw it on the list today and had to include it just for my own amusement.

$48 & up -- Chicago Fares from Across the U.S. (each way)

$1499 -- Turkey 13-Night Tour incl. Luxurious Hotels & Air

$99 -- Bahamas 2-Night Cruises into December

$742+: Low-priced London 4-nt trip near Trafalgar Square w/flight from NY

$259& up -- Holiday Cruises to The Caribbean, Mexico, & More

$999 & up -- Australia on Sale: 3 Cities + Kangaroo Island Stop, R/T

Today

I thought about snow. It's all everyone talked about today, how it's supposed to snow tonight. Gosh did I tell you or what! Fall = less than two weeks in Utah. That's gotta be a record.

I thought about the trees changing on the gorgeous mountains behind my house and how I must see them up close and personal. So I bailed from work early and hit the road that took me along their peaks. And I remembered why I love my Jeep.

I thought about writing to one of my favorite friends and telling him how awesome I think he is. But I refrained. What's that line? "Never suppress a generous thought." Oh well.

Oh! And I thought about this necklace. A lot. :)

Found at the lovely "Small Bird"

And maybe I thought about how I wrote something really heavy yesterday and how "out there" I feel about it. I had no idea I was going to go there until it was written. When I finished it rang true in my heart: it was time.

Acceptance

This afternoon I was reading CJane. She is pregnant and feeling strange right now. I love it. Mostly because we all have our "feeling strange" seasons. And somehow when someone else goes through something strange it makes my strange moments ok too. But I got passed judging myself about being strange awhile ago.

I have anxiety issues sometimes. It's been going on for years. Started when I was a small child and watched a scary show on TV. I couldn't stomach scary things for years: stories, haunted houses, music. You name it, it triggered me. Due to my sensitive heart (you wouldn't think so, would you?) I can quickly tell what kind of person I'm around. Creepy vibes from someone and they are out of my life permanently. When I was young I had several run-ins with creepy types that put me into an anxiety tailspin for years. Years.

For all those years I judged myself. I hated how I felt. Feared how I felt. Collapsed inward on the pain that was mine to carry. Alone. Slowly time separated me from my childhood experiences but the after-affects resulted in me walking on eggshells around, well, me. I spent years running and distracting myself from my "dark" side. And then one day last year I'd had enough. I stopped running and I turned around and faced what was there to be faced. I remember the day, the moment I saw what I spent so much of my life running from. Instead of demons and chainsaw murderers I saw a little girl scared and alone - a look of desperation and longing in her eyes. I didn't feel afraid. I felt pure compassion and empathy. It was bizarre.

The only way to describe what happened next is to describe the reaction anyone would have if they were faced with such a scene. I embraced her and held her tight. I told her I was sorry for what she had been through and that it was all going to be ok. Like you would say to any child hurt and afraid -- making promises about a future you really have no clue about. But I did. I was her future. I did know that happiness, peace, and joy were possible. That faith and hope weren't lies. I knew they weren't. I had lived and survived through it.

It's a crazy thing that happens when we quit judging and start accepting what life has to offer. When we quit stamping our feet demanding a different outcome than the one we are handed. Accepting brings such peace and understanding and wholeness. I didn't realize I was fractured until I held her again and the Atonement sealed us back together. Through Christ I became whole again.

I still have my anxious moments but they are few and far between. And when they come I treat them as the infrequent travel-worn guests they are: I let them stay until they're ready to go. They are not welcome but they are not feared either. Not judging myself for whatever I am feeling has taken their big scary masks off. Like a certain wizard in a certain movie, their reality was all smoke and mirrors.

Now I ask you to do something for yourself. Accept whatever season you're in. See if having compassion on yourself might make whatever you're going through a little easier - a little less scary. Turn to Christ over and over again. Wholeness might not come right away, but it will come. I know it. I've lived it.

Counterclockwise

This geeky cuteness found here.

712

I've been known to recommend a restaurant purely based on how cool their restroom is. Show's attention to detail. Detail I appreciate.

Pizzeria 712 has one of my favorite restrooms around, plus seriously killer food. They will shortly be opening a new restaurant in downtown P-town called Communal. I'm so excited to check out their restrooms. And I guess their food too.

PS: The girl who does my fabulous hair happens to be married to the general manager for both of these places. I feel so connected.

Party in the USA

Evidently I'm a 12 year old girl. Because I'm loving this song.

Willpower

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

I came across these two different studies today and I thought they were both too interesting not to share. First the video above comes to us via the New Yorker and is just darling. Those kids are such troopers.

The second study called, "Beware the Siren's Song," was conducted by Northwestern {sigh} in Chicago {sigh again}. The concept of the study was basically that those who think they've got a higher ability to withstand temptation are actually those more likely to expose themselves to greater temptations and therefore fall to temptations more frequently.

Reminds me of the oft-used story about three drivers all interviewing for a job. The interviewer told each driver that they'd be driving near a cliff and asked them how good they were at driving next to cliffs. The first driver bragged that he was such a good driver he could get within 6 inches of the cliff and still be safe. The second driver boasted he could drive off the cliff by 6 inches and still maintain control. The third driver immediately replied that he would stay as far from the cliff as possible. Hugging the walls of the turns if possible. Obviously the third driver got the job.

Sometimes we get caught in the idea that we are invincible. "All is well in Zion," maybe? That we are safe and we can handle anything thrown our way. I know I have. I wonder what the areas in my life are where I think I'm strong enough to flirt with temptation. To stare it down while left alone with it in the same room.

It was said once in one of my classes at BYU that we don't need the Devil to tempt us. We are capable of damning ourselves just with our fallen natures. If we're not strong enough to withstand our own wills, why oh why do we think we're strong enough to face the Devil on our own? Don't kid yourself by thinking you're stronger than temptation. Marshmallows included.

TheMeesh Weekly Travel Picks

The original adventurers.

I know that a lot of the items on my travel list are very adventure oriented. But that's how I roll. And I blame my parental unit for that.

Earlier this week my parents hit the road for the next 2-3 months of adventuring. Their itinerary will take them driving from Washington state to Washington DC through the northern states, across the plains, into and through New England to enjoy the wonders of Fall. They will then spend a few days with my sister and her childrens in DC before jumping a flight with the Airforce to Germany.

Side note: my Daddy is a retired Captain in the Airforce where much of their adventuring began. Another quick side note: when I was up in Washington last weekend we spent the night on base. It thrilled me to see the young guard check my Daddy's credentials and then snap into a salute and respond with a "Welcome, Sir!"

Back to the itinerary: From Germany they are undecided on how much traipsing about Europe they'll do. But once they decide to return they'll drive from DC down to Florida for a week or so with my sister's family before driving across the southern states back through Vegas to visit the Gramps and on to California to visit one of my brothers, old friends and stomping grounds. And then, someday, back to Washington. How great is that?! Circle the country, cruise around Europe, and have all the time in the world to do it!

Truly their adventurous spirits have bred to create the need in my own heart. A number of times my Dad asked me if they should expect to see me while in Europe. I laughed and told them you never knew with me. He seemed pleased with that response. I learned from the best, afterall.

Here are my travel picks for today:

$499 -- Costa Rica 6-Night Vacation incl. Rental Car & Air

$223 & up -- Fly to 10+ German Cities from Across the U.S.

$59-$69 -- Denver, Phoenix, San Diego from Salt Lake City

$1499 -- 15-Night South America & Panama Canal Cruise w/Air

$61/nt+ -- Weeklong studio, 1- & 2-bdrm Kauai condo rentals this Oct

$480 & up -- Rock-bottom China fares from West Coast cities (round-trip)

$599& up -- Thanksgiving in Prague: 6-Night Vacation + Air

$41& up -- Autumn Condo Stays Discounted Across the Country

Bubble Toes

Prescription for winter survival: take one nightly.

The temperatures have been dropping the past few days and we're perilously close to Fall in Utah. And for those who live or have lived in Utah we all know Fall is about two weeks long before Winter rolls in. Ugh. Or not! I've told many people the key to surviving Utah winters is to have a snow sport. You have to have something that gets you excited when the snow flies. Because it will. Whether you're excited for it or not. So you might as well find something about it to make you happy.

Some of you also know that I HATE being cold. Hate it. So besides the snow sports, the other key to me surviving the chilly temperatures are bubble baths. Long hot ones. I usually wrap up my evenings with one of these bad boys accompanied by my book du jour. It's luscious and soothing and gets me all toastified before going to bed (which subsequently is usually when your body temperature drops - right before bed).

This annual habit has made me a connoisseur of bath products. I'm not going to soak my cold body in just plain water for heaven's sake! So I'll share a few of my favs with you (if you have any I should know about, speak up!)

The staple.

Le Couvent des Minimes Lavender bubble bath. Super foamy. Super soothing. Lavender can be tricky but these guys are the real deal.

The new find.

A surprising recent find is the Noir line from Victoria's Secret. Somehow these masters were able to pull off a scent that is both sexy AND comforting. Doesn't foam up great but my skin still feels super luscious.

The luxury.

Anything from Lush Cosmetics. Anything. These I save for my ultra bad days and special occasions. Or if I'm having someone over who is having an ultra bad day. Cause they're spendy. But worth it.

Readiness

Last night I returned home from my little sister's baby's blessing (look at all those possessives!). As I sat in the airport baggage area waiting for my luggage my mind reflected on the many times I'd been here before doing the exact same thing. Then my mind remembered a couple of experiences that cut me to my core: memories of Mark. Long ago in a relationship far far away (timewise) existed a guy who did everything RIGHT.

This particular memory involved him sneakily finding out what flight I was coming back on from Hawaii. As I descended the escalators, exhausted and funky (you would be too after 7 hours of flying) I looked about for my ride -- Sarah's mother -- and instead saw Mark (hard to miss at 6'5") with his big goofy grin and a bouquet of flowers. He was there for me. And I was horrified. I was disgusting, but he didn't care. He was so darned excited to see me and it didn't matter how I looked/smelled.

Fast forward 6 months and the scenario is almost exactly the same except this time I was returning from Italy and it was nearing 1am and I couldn't remember English. I was working off of 14 hours of flying/airport layovers and so this time was truly nasty. Once again he didn't care. He took me home to a house he had finished cleaning just for me hours earlier -- much to the delight of my roommates. He had made me a CD of music to listen to on the drive home and tucked me lovingly into bed.

Yep, last night all of those memories flashed behind my glazed eyes staring at the luggage carousel, waiting. Still waiting. I sighed to myself with the familiar anguish that comes from realized mistakes, "Mark. You did everything right. I just wasn't ready."

I gave up that relationship. I wasn't ready for it. I couldn't give the way he could. I didn't understand what I was capable of giving. Not yet at least. And I cried in my heart for forgiveness for treating Mark the way I did. I hoped he was happy with his wife. I prayed she treats him the way I never could. Because I didn't understand. It wasn't the he wasn't deserving. I just didn't know how to give.

I understand now. I hope.

Gone

This morning I laid in bed remembering a scene from the movie Spanglish. I can't really recommend the movie but the scene I can relate to. In the scene there's a couple sitting on a couch in an empty restaurant knowing they can't be together, but not wanting to put their feet back on the ground because then it would really be over. I lived that scene for 6 hours last night. I didn't recognize myself by the time I finally walked back up the stairs and into my bathroom to finally get ready for bed. Realization is a bitch.

I hate it when every song on the radio applies to you. I especially hated it when this song came on. But it's also one of my favorites. And so here it is.

TheMeesh Weekly Travel Picks

Wow, did it suddenly decide to be Fall where you are too? I'm officially done with early morning porch scripture study. It's too darned cold! I'm a wimp, I know.

Last night my sister asked me what I'm doing for Thanksgiving. I think this week's picks helped me decide:

$649& up -- 6-Night Vacation in Rome over Thanksgiving w/Air

$1059 -- Greek Islands & Athens Vacation incl. Cruise & Air

$99& up -- 2- & 3-Night Cruises to Bahamas from Ft. Lauderdale

$373& up -- New York City 4-Night Weekend Vacations w/Flights

$399 -- Curacao 4-Star Vacation: 5 Nights & Air

$190 & up -- Europe Fare Sale: Fly thru March (each way)

$129-- Last-minute 4-night Bahamas cruise w/Key West & private island

$39 & up -- Rock-bottom nationwide fares (one-way) – ends tomorrow!

Provocation

I've been practicing this one a lot.
I hope you are too.

Def: To incite action.

Due to my blog-stalking nature I often come across posts that make me sit up and say, "Hmmmm" and want to take action. (Side Note: Remember that song "Things that make you go hmmm." Ha! Thanks to my older siblings for their random musical influence on me!)

Anyway, I've come across a few great posts this week that have been making me think. Enjoy:

What is your poverty?

Achieving or just passing?

Do you have Class?

And then some things just scare me (and crack me up).