What Child is this?

This collaboration with Andrea Bocelli and Mary J. Blige melts me every time. Enjoy!

Village Idiot

The only thing better than acting like the village idiot around the guy you like is when he acts like the village idiot back.

Can love really happen when two idiots are involved?

Eating Christmas

I'm no health nut, but I appreciate good sound thinking when it comes to eating and exercising. A good friend of mine introduced me to a health and fitness adviser last year and since then I get weekly email tips, menus, work out ideas, and all around encouragement from her.

Here is this week's advice. Eating isn't just about fuel, it is still about enjoyment, so enjoy, but do so with a plan for how you'll burn off your intake.


NO FREE TREATS by R.J. Ignelzi

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas — especially around the waistline. A bit of cheddar cheese roll here, a bite of chocolate fudge there, and a sip of the bubbly to top it all off. It doesn’t take long before those bits, bites and sips add up to unwanted extra pounds.

But there’s no need to be a Scrooge about favorite holiday treats. You can still enjoy them in moderation; you just need to compensate with some extra activity or exercise. Weight gain, loss or maintenance is all about balance; calories in versus calories out. Go ahead and have that gingerbread cookie, cup of eggnog or chunk of toffee.

Just make sure you’re willing to counter the binge with some burn. Here are some examples of how hard you’ll have to work out for those seasonal indulgences.

Here is the info for my adviser if you're interested in more healthy lifestyle guidance:


Deanne Ryder, CPT, LPSN

ForeverFit San Diego

12 Week exercise and nutrition plans for the

body and the mind...because thin begins within

858-353-0910

http://www.foreverfitsandiego.com/

Home for Christmas

Photo found here.

Enter this door as if the floor . . . were gold;
And every wall of jewels all of wealth untold;
As if a choir in robes of fire were singing here;
Nor shout nor rush but hush . . . for God is here.
-- Orson F. Whitney

I have to smirk at people who tell you to "slow down" during the Holidays. How in tarnation do you suggest I do that? There's way too much to do! Several days this week all I wanted to do after I got home from work was stare at a blank wall in a dark room, but no, no time for that! Between shopping for Christmas, attending parties, wrapping presents, attending more parties and hosting an international colleague for a week, my life has been unbelievably stressed.

Last night I had a choice on how to spend my evening: go on a hot date or go to the Temple. I chose the Temple.

For some unknown reason it's been a LONG time since I've been to the Temple. Like a couple months kinda long. I realized as I drove up to it last night that when you frequently go to the Temple your heart reminds you when it's time to go again. But when you haven't been for awhile, the call of the Temple dims and you have to rely on your swirling mind to remind you. Not a good scenario.

Last night as I walked up to the doors I caught site of the familiar text found on every LDS Temple: "Holiness to the Lord" and "The House of the Lord". Shivers ran through me as the weight of those words hit my heart. The rest of the session was literally as familiar as coming home. My heart was flooded with the warmth and love you come to relish when you walk in the door after a long journey home.

And so I feel the desperate need to testify about the Temple. I feel relief when I walk through those doors. I feel welcome and at peace. In a busy world full of stress, confusion, and discord, peace is a precious commodity. Last night I was reminded how desperately I need it. I need to feel welcomed, loved, and valued. I need to feel like everything is going to be okay, even if I don't understand how it will be. I need to see and feel how my little life fits into the bigger picture and purpose, but mostly I need to feel loved.

Going home for Christmas is not of my list of things to do this year. But last night I was reminded that home is where love is. And I can go to my Father's house as often as I'd like. I'm welcome there. And so are you.

Inner geek

I have to admit I'm a bit of a science geek at heart. I might not come across that way but I was raised by a scientist and a bit of it has rubbed off on me. I was born 16 days before Mount St Helens erupted and I grew up with ash from the eruption being easily accessible in our own back yard.

Who wouldn't be fascinated by this stuff?

I also have a thing for astronomy and the heavens also due to my Mom's efforts to educate her children. She would pack us and a tarp up into one of our old trucks and we'd travel into the dark wilderness of rural Washington - as far away from light as you can get. We'd stay up late making tinfoil dinners and then gaze up at the heavens finding the constellations on our star charts. Good times!

People really think we're alone in the midst of all of that?!
And that all of this exists without a real reason?
Psh...

We also grew up performing different science experiments. Growing up on a farm allows you plenty of these opportunities. But my Mom also liked more of a classroom style approach to our science experiments. We'd catch bugs and pin them to boards (ew), we'd type our own blood (ew again), and occasionally we'd build volcanoes out of paper mache and blow up various toy villages and barbies (fun!). We also had a science box that still probably smells like moth balls. It contained our microscope, magnifying glass, and various test tubes and specimens to examine.

That's some serious magma under Yellowstone. Listen to the interview here.

This morning I was driving to work heard a story on NPR about the magma and lava trapped underneath Yellowstone National Park. Once again the inner geek in me got all excited by the beauty and wonder of this amazing world we get to live in.

Christmas Cuties

Could these critters be cuter?! Yes, favorite aunt bias speaking.



Dear Shaunae, you and Jon have excellent genetic material as can be seen here. Good job!

Niceness Not Happening Here

This last Sunday night I had some lady-friends over from the ward to introduce them to my fabulous roast beast. "Roast beast, these are my lady-friends, lady-friends, my fabulous roast beast." Mucho gusto!

In our hours of chatting, the topic of bad, awkward dating came up. We all laughed at the horrors of first kisses gone awry and relationships that couldn't make it past the first date. And then there were the stalker stories. You could feel the palpable shift in the room as the stories changed from amusing to creepy. I could feel myself getting riled up as these beautiful girls put up with guys being creeps.

As you may know I have a low creep tolerance. My older sister was the nice one in our family, picking up stray animals and lost souls, many of whom I found creepy. And because she was too nice to ever turn someone away, I took on the role as her protector. I had NO problem telling the creepers where to go and how fast to go there. Sure there was the obvious backlash against my brazen attitude, but my sister was safe and that's all that mattered.

Occasionally I feel sad on my insides that I'm not sweet and that I have a hard time loving others initially. But let me tell you what, after hearing the stories this weekend, I don't feel so bad anymore. I don't put up with crap. I'm a nice person to a point, but you push me and you're getting my butt-kicking side. And you know what, I don't feel bad about that. My kids will both benefit from it and fear it. No people pleasing done here. You earn the right to be in my good graces. And trust me, that's a good place to be.

PS. If you're too nice and you have some creeper hanging around you and yours, let me at 'em.

Loves!
Meesh

Found in my camera: Yoga shoot

The dear Merissa will shortly be taking on yoga clients beyond all the other classes she teaches. If you're interested contacted her here. Click on any of the photos below to enlarge.

King pigeon (or screaming pigeon if you're me)

Warrior I
(trusting warrior as there's a nice 20 ft. drop on the other side of that bridge)

Warrior II

Half lotus (loving the clouds in this photo)

Found: in my camera

 

Loving this goodness!

Making Decisions part 2

The dear Katrina sent me this quote earlier today. I think it applies to my post from earlier this week. Enjoy!

"On an outing when [Matthew Holland, Elder Holland's son] was about twelve, he had his first experience with feeling personal revelation.

Returning from an exploring trip on back country roads, he and [Elder Holland] came to an unexpected fork and could not remember which road to take. It was late in the day, and they knew darkness would be enveloping them in unfamiliar territory. Seizing a teaching moment, Jeffrey Holland asked his son to pray for direction. Afterward, he asked his son what he felt, and Matt replied that he felt strongly they should go to the left. Replying that he had felt the same way, his father turned the truck to the left. Ten minutes later, they came to a dead end and returned to take the other route.

Matt thought for a time and then asked his father why they would get that kind of answer to a prayer. His father replied that with the sun going down, that was undoubtedly the quickest way for the Lord to give them information—in this case, which one was the wrong road. Now, though the other road might not be familiar and could be difficult in places, they could proceed confidently, knowing it was the right one, even in the dark." (December 1994 Issue of the Ensign, page 10)

Twilight Years

Twilight Years from Tom on Vimeo.

From a friend's ward in NYC. Enjoy!

5 Stars!

Freezing outside but heart-warming in here.

At our ward auction this week some friends and I won some tickets to personally attend. So last night we high-tailed it out of our late afternoon Sacrament meeting, shoved food into our fasting faces and raced up to brave the chilly weather for a heart warming evening with the First Presidency, Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra on Temple Square.

Five big gold stars go out to the First Presidency for putting on yet another excellent Christmas fireside! Despite the great talks, I have to admit it was the Mo-Tab that had me riveted. They pulled out the big guns this year. I couldn't exhale completely during one of the songs for fear I'd do some public sobbing.

Also, who doesn't LOVE President Monson's Christmas stories That man was made to tell these stories. Love that man.

Go here and click around to the various segments. Or watch the whole thing! It'll warm your cockles... whatever those are.

Rainbows & Pinecones

Make a beautiful weekend!

Rainbow goodness found at Whisk Kid

I made these last night with much hyperventilating and fear of failure.
They look great!

And these... these melt my cold cold heart (they're actually tiny).

This I aspire to create.

Fail first

I dream big and this can be a problem. It's great to have a dream but getting it to be a reality can be overwhelming. Sometimes I think I have to have every little step planned out before I can ever take that step.

I came across this quote by Seth Godin today:

"Just do stuff. First you have to fail, then you can improve."

I'll get right on that.

POST EDIT: the dear Monica sent me these awesome quotes that I think we could all benefit from.


Cecil O. Samuelson wrote, “President Faust used the example of the children of Israel led by Joshua who were required to carry the Ark of the Covenant across the Jordan River. The miracle of holding back the water so that they could pass on dry ground with the Ark of the Covenant did not occur until the soles of their feet actually touched the water (see Joshua 3:13)."

"Leap, and the net will appear."

Well Naturally!

There is a well-known scripture in the LDS Church that discusses our nature as dual beings: spiritual and physical. While we do not believe in original sin nor having natures that are corrupt we do have fallibilities due to our physical bodies. We have desires, appetites, passions, and all round orneriness due to the fact that we are currently human.

Here is the scripture:

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. -- Mosiah 3:19

Last night I was not at my best. I came home from work to an empty house and got to work on some Christmas presents for family. Soon my dear roommate came home and launched into her stories from the day. I wasn't in the mood. I just wanted quiet. And then I felt guilty for not wanting to listen to her. And then I got mad defending myself to myself about how I deserved some time to detox. And then I felt even more guilty for being mad and then even more mad for feeling guilty. Ah the cycle...

Before I knew it I was done with her and went to "bed." I won't let myself get into bed without saying my prayers and dang it all if even when I'm mad I'm too well trained to NOT say my prayers. Due in part to this scripture:

For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray. - 2 Nephi 32:8

Ugh so there I am "praying." More like me not wanting to talk to God and owning the anger I'm feeling. So I just knelt there in indignation and explained to God that I'm mad and I just don't love people and I should probably be burned alive but whatever it's just the way I am. Amen. Then like the glutten for punishment that I am I opened up the December Ensign and DARED God to reach me. I skimmed through the mag until I came to the article called "With Love from My Sisters". It's your typical shmoofy Christmas story of goodness, caring about each other and all that crap. The very last line read in the article reads:

"I came to understand that the Lord truly does meet our needs most often through other people—particularly those He has assigned and inspired to watch over and care for us."

This totally made me cry. The personal message for me was that I was blessed and assigned to love the people in my life. It's my opportunity and my responsibility. The deeper message though was how different my heart felt while I was reading. Minutes before my heart was tight and closed -- impenetrable. As I read my heart filled with the warmth and love that only the Spirit can bring. The thought came to my mind, "Now isn't that better? Isn't this feeling worth working for?"

There are a lot of things in our lives that don't come naturally. Most of those things are the good things in life. Last night taught me I can't hide behind the excuse of "Well that's just me," or "Well it's just too hard," or "It doesn't come naturally." Remember the whole "the natural man is an enemy to God" thing? I think it probably applies to anything in life that is good: eating right, exercising, reading scriptures, playing with kids, being motivated at work, dating, loving your roommates/spouse/childrens.

Most good things require effort to become and thus require a conscious choice (hourly, daily, weekly, etc) and then work to become it. Thankfully we also have an extremely patient and loving Heavenly Father and Elder Brother willing to help us. The Atonement is the key to changing our hearts and thus our natures. During this Holiday season I'm sure there will be many instances arise where what comes easily and naturally isn't what's best. In those moments instead of rebelling against your better self, call upon the Lord to help you change. That is the gift of Christmas: change, forgiveness, healing.

"Will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?" - 3 Nephi 9:13

A great talk about this can be found here.

Thankful

Every year I look back in startled, humble gratitude for my life and the many pieces that have come together to create it. There are the big ever-evolving foundational pieces: Family, Friends, The Gospel. And there are the smaller but oh so highlighting pieces: new callings, work responsibilities, new loves - both romantic and otherwise.

Life is glorious. {sniff} Drink it in.

Prayer, Work and Waiting

I sat next to a guy at Church today and somehow in the midst of the first talk we started discussing dating and why we're not doing it. Well not why he and I aren't dating, but the collective amazing "us" in the room. Obviously there are some who are, but mostly not. Wow, I feel like my grammar is really poor at the moment.

Anyway. So there we were, mid-talk chatting about dating and he said,

"I think it's great that people are spending time becoming their best single selves instead of focusing on marriage. You can still achieve your greater life purpose while you're single too."

Hmmm. Hmmmm again. There's a part of me that wishes I could agree with him. I've had plenty of time to live and live well sans-husband and children. I've traveled, trained, becoming finacially stable, all experiences I wouldn't want to be without. BUT something about his statement made me realize he doesn't get it yet. It's not that by focusing on being single you have to drown in self pity and berate yourself thinking you're less than those who are married. There is, after all, a difference between being happy and being content. I'm extremely happy, but I'm not quite content. You can't rest on your laurels.

In Relief Soceity today we discussed a talk by President Eyring from last April's Conference about overcoming adversity. In it he discusses three principles:

1. Faith in the Lord
2. Patience
3. Prayer, work and waiting

The last one really rang true to my heart. There are things we all want in life and we work hard to get them. Some of those things take a long time to get, and we may or may not be completely cognizant of the timeline involved to acquire them. Because of that reality sometimes we get tired and quit working, we quit trying. We resort to prayer and waiting. I've seen this in the lives of friends who are "looking" for jobs by waiting at home for jobs to appear. I've also seen it in the life of friends who have given up on trying to meet new people and are just "patiently waiting" for their husbands to show up.

Hmmm. Hmmm again. I think we get the point that work, or shall we say diligence is a requirement of the blessings we seek. But unlike this dude at Church, I'm not giving up on my dream of marriage and childrens to settle for singlehooded bliss. Like I said, I'm happy, extremely happy at times with the glorious ease-filled life I enjoy. But I don't want to get to the point where I am content with it.

Be interested

Have you ever been around people who want to drink you in? Who want to know everything about where you've been, why you went there, and what pit stops you took along the way? I LOVE those people, primarily because they make me feel special.

I was thinking recently about dating (shocker) and was wondering why I'm not dating. Maybe they don't SEE me? Maybe I'm not interesting? Ha! That can't be it! I'M INTERESTING DANG IT! Then I started wondering if those people I want to have see me, are maybe feeling the same way. I wonder if we're all wandering around in our self-centered bubbles bouncing off each other from time to time hoping that someone will look up and see us and think, "Hey! You're interesting!"

Sounds all very selfish and horribly sad: A bunch of great people wanting to be seen for their greatness but too blinded by their own self-focused-ness to look up and see one another. Well I'm done with all this inward focusing nonsense! I want to know other people! I want to drink them in, discover where they've been and why they went there.

Just last night I was talking to a guy and heard myself telling him a story about me; one I've heard over and over again. Suddenly I was so bored! Not with him, mind you, but with me! I've lived my life's stories, I don't need to hear them again! I want to hear new stories with new characters and plot twists! But you want to know something? The second I turned the conversation back around to him and his stories, man alive did things (and him - and ME - for that matter) get interesting. My cheeks flushed, my heart raced, my mind was stimulated... and we were talking about state vs. constitutional law for heavens sake!

This experience reminded me that I should be done with my bubble of inward focus. There's a whole lot of interesting people out there who are dying for someone to think of them as such. And if experience shows, being interested just might peak others' interest in return. Our conversation last night did end in a date request...

BTW this topic has much broader application than just dating. Like last night when Paiters was rattling on about something or other and all I could give her was an occasional "Oh that's nice Paiters!" We all want to feel special and need someone to be interested in our story. Even a four year old.

Always something

There's always something strange going on in Utah. Evidently last night we had a meteor come traipsing through that was large enough to light the sky for a few minutes. I love this stuff!

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

Get your doomsday theory caps on!

Lovely Homemade Christmas Idea-rs

Looking for some fun homemade gift ideas for the upcoming Holidays? I'm not, but I'm a procrastinator like that. Ch-ch-check out these fun ideas I've found on the interwebs!

A lovely little homemade smores kit. Shows you care.
But not too much.

Warm bag! For cold feet!
I tuck one of these at the bottom of my bed every night during the winter.
You can also toss the rice, beans, or buckwheat in an essential oil of choice.
I recommend lavender or chamomile.





Terrariums are fun and fresh and add real life to any space!
I want one.
For the record.

Necklace + ribbons.
I'm not huge on making jewelry/beading but making something like this is right up my alley.
I'd love to see one of these on Paiters.

Things I want to learn

how to do in the next 3 months:

1. Take really killer headshots -- or so I don't sound like an axe murder, taking beautiful portraits with my Nikon D40 DSLR.

2. Learn how to sew a pencil skirt or a sailor skirt (which is basically a high waisted pencil skirt with buttons on the front)

3. Organize and decorate my living room in a way that aligns my chi.

That doesn't sound like a lot of things to learn how to do, but it really is. Especially when you're the world's slowest reader (um a chapter a night is my max before dreamland settles in). And you can only learn so much by reading blogs while you should be listening to your conference calls at work. I'm not a multitasker.

Really, I learn by doing, so if any of you peeps know someone I could talk to to teach me these arts HANDS ON, that would be preferable.

Loves!

PS. What kind of things have YOU been wanting to learn how to do lately? Maybe I know a guy who knows a guy.

The Purposes of War

This is a tribute to my parents (and several other family members retired and currently serving) in light of yesterday's Veteran's Day. As many of you know, I grew up in a small farming town in the middle of nowhere's - ville Washington. What you might not know is that before landing there my parents were in the military, specifically the Air Force for 13 years (later going back and retiring as Captain).

My Dad and Mom re-met and married at BYU almost 43 years ago. It was the time of Vietnam and my Dad knew that once he graduated he would be immediately drafted into the military. So he decided to enter the military on his terms and graduated from the BYU ROTC program as an officer and pilot in the Air Force. Shortly thereafter he and my newly-graduated mother started their military adventures. They served all over the country: Arizona, Arkansas, California a couple of times (the last time being when I was born). They also served all over the world, specifically Taiwan and Panama.

During their time living overseas they had a great deal of interaction with the surrounding cultures. All my life I grew up hearing stories about the Panamanian Cuna Indians and the markets of Taiwan. Our home back in Washington was literally filled with ornately carved Taiwanese furniture and our walls were lined with photos of beautiful Panamanian women with rings in their noses and Machete's from the jungles.

Often my parents would talk to us about war, the purpose of defending, invading, even killing. War and killing and death by every definition appeared terrible and heart-wrenching, yet they were able to see some of the greater purposes of it all. By being in those place there were not just acting as representatives of the US military, but as members of the Church, building and extending the Kingdom of God.

In 1984, just ten years after my parents moved back from Taiwan, a Temple was dedicated there. Last year a Temple was dedicated in Panama. It sits on the same plot of land overlooking the Panama canal as the original church building that my parents helped to build and where they went to church during their assignment in Panama.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

I was with them when the dedication of the Temple was announced and KSL aired a special about it between conference sessions last October. They were so excited to see the places they had once been and to see the transition in leadership from the Americans to the local Panamanians. Their eyes filled with tears as they heard testimonies shared by those same Cuna Indians they had talked so much about all those years ago. They once again saw how conflict could play a larger role in opening doors to the Gospel.

As I read the scriptures and the description of the wars and bloodshed it makes my heart ache. I hate war, but I believe God uses it to bring to pass His greater purposes. And since we're not always aware of what those greater purposes are, I do not put myself in the general position of opposing war. That being said, I do not seek it or welcome it either.

I greatly respect and admire all those who willingly serve to protect and defend what I take for granted. Daddy, Uncle Dave, Ry-Ry, and all the multitudes of others who have and are serving, thank you.

That time of day

When it's too late to start a new project before I get on with my evening.

So... I slack off. And find this goodness:



I should slack off more often. This is me in every way and can be found here.

Friday Nights

A real conversation that happened with a real friend. Really.

Miss Marie: is there anything going on Friday night?
Meesh: hmmm not yet that my brain can piece together
Meesh: I resent Friday night
Meesh: the week is so busy
Meesh: every night crammed with busy-ness
Meesh: and then wham
Meesh: the dead silence of Friday night hits you
Meesh: like the lame leftover weeknight busybody you are
Meesh: Friday's job is to remind you how NOT busy, successful, brilliant and otherwise wonderful you are
Meesh: Friday spells rejection

Miss Marie: for real
Miss Marie: I have started to resent Friday nights

Meesh: wow
Meesh: I just wrote a blog in our chat
Meesh: sorry to get all creative-writing-Suzy on you
Meesh: :)
Miss Marie: lol

Isn't that SO sad?! Friday is supposed to represent the freedom of the weekend and yet here all I can do is bemoan it's impending reminder of loser-ville.

So ya. Don't talk to me about Friday night's unless you're inviting me to do something. Maybe I'll start a club. The Friday Night Hater Club.

The end.

ps. I'm not bitter. I actually thought all of that was really funny. And for the record, I'm busy this Friday night. Thanks for asking. :)

Shout out

Some people think I'm over dramatic. I assure you I am not. My life is.

This weekend was our Stake Conference. Saturday night I attended the adult session and afterward milled around visiting with old and new friends. As we sat around talking a rather handsome young man walked past us.

My friend Marie gawked and said, "Meesh! You should talk to him."

I caught a brief glimpse at him as he walked past and into the crowd. I thought nothing of it. A bunch of us were planning on meeting at dinner afterward at Spark (yum!) and we started to head out the door. Suddenly someone grabbed my arm and spun me around. I was expecting to see some friend I hadn't properly greeted but was surprised instead to see my Stake President. While we're good friends he's usually a mild mannered sort and doesn't go around grabbing and whirling members of his Stake. We greeted each other and he then quickly turned and introduced me to none other than the gentleman Marie and I had gawked at a few minutes before. President B. (as we'll call him) quickly explained that this handsome young man was new to the area and was just checking out the wards. I chatted with him briefly about his background and then invited him to dinner with the group. President B. couldn't be more delighted and gave me a wink and a thumb's up as this poor guy nervously smiled and agreed to join us.

The rest of the evening was fun but pretty nondescript. Phone numbers were awkwardly exchanged at the end of the night and I wrote the evening off as fun but I probably wouldn't be seeing him again.

The next day was Stake Conference. Bodies snuggly tucked into a packed concert hall = warm. A late night the night before combined with the heat combined with well intentioned talks left me dozing. And then President B. stood up as the last speaker. He's a great man and a great speaker. I always learn so much from listening to him. His topic was the topic of the conference: Friendship. I took notes as I listened to his stories of reaching out to others but I stopped short in my note-taking tracks when he stated, "I witnessed an example of such reaching out just last night."

Quick interruption to our story here: I've been in my stake for a long time. For that reason I know the Stake leadership really really well. Occasionally when Stake Conferences have extra time the Stake Presidency will call on members of the Stake to come up and share their testimonies. This part of Stake Conference has always terrified me. I always breath a sigh of relief when time is short and this opportunity for "exposure" is missed. That being said, I really shouldn't have been surprised by what took place next. This is me and my ironic life we're talking about here, after all.

President B. then told the story of a young man who was new to the area and whom he had invited to attend our stake conference to get a better view into the "opportunities" this stake could provide him. The young man came and greeted President B. at the end of the Saturday evening session. President B. was delighted to see him and looked around desperately for ANYONE to introduce and befriend this young man. He went for the first girl within reach, "And there she was, Michelle Barnum."

From the beginning of the story I knew he was talking about me and that poor guy. What I didn't realize was that he would call me out by name. He then continued on about how I reached out to this guy and invited him to dinner. President B. choked up as he recounted his drive home later with his wife, "This is what we need more of in our Stake. More people reaching out to others like Michelle. Bless Michelle. God bless her."

I. Was. Mortified. To say the least. I'm not easily embarrassed and so I forget how my body physically reacts to embarrassment. It jumps by about 20 degrees, my heart starts racing and I lose all traction in my hands. I also get all fidgety as fight or flight syndrome kicks in. As I said, I knew from the beginning of the story that he was talking about me and so all those elements started to kick in. The guys sitting next to me later told me they wondered why I got so jumpy all of a sudden. And then President B. said my name. Over and over again. And then everyone who knew me turned and looked at me. Oh gosh. I couldn't get out of that place fast enough!

Honestly it was really sweet of President B. to think I'm great. It's even sweeter of him to say so publicly. It's probably about time that he started praying for me by name (I'm sure my parental unit will be glad to hear it). But seriously I couldn't have been more embarrassed by that shout out.

While I thought I'd never see my date from the night before again, we did randomly see each other in the hallway afterward as I was still reeling from my new-found stake-wide fame. Fortunately for me he hadn't heard the story. He had come late to conference and walked in as it was ending. Not that it mattered. President B. left his name out of the story.

From the Shallows

The Undead Classics.
I prefer Austen with a bit more gore.

I don't love bookstores outside of airports. I usually buy most of my books in airports right before a long flight. Because I'm shallow I like to read fiction, but I feel rightly guilty for it. So this week when I bought two books before a flight - one a best seller and the other a classic I was pleased with my investment in the furthering my intelligence. Sorta. I bought "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." The title made me giggle in the middle of a bookstore filled with harried travelers. And so I bought it.

I also bought the new Dan Brown book, "The Lost Symbol" which was the book I spent most of my combined 12 hours of flying reading (the "classics" can wait). I've determined the formula for writing a Dan Brown book includes:

• Everything must happen and be resolved within 24hrs. Reminds me of a certain TV show....




• Speaking of a certain TV show, the hero is some sort of Jack-Bauer-Ninja-Symobologist type. Tweed and nun-chucks. That's how he rolls.
  




• A single villain. No more no less. And he must be brilliant, wealthy, and absolutely psychotic.




• An older woman of stunning beauty. And their shoulders must brush. And she must be in love with him after he saves her from some sacrificial altar. But he'll be on to some new woman by the next book. He is a Harvard man after all.




• Cataclysmic abyss if ancient secrets don't remain so.
  

Ugh it's all the same. Each of his books. And yet I learn stuff from them. Like, did you know Washington DC was originally patterned after Rome? Was even initially named Rome? The Potomac being previously named the Tiber. And all sorts of other junk I can't remember at the moment about the Masons.

In other news I'd really like to see the new Coco Chanel movie. It's currently only playing at the Broadway Theatre in the downtown SLC which makes it feel oh so exclusive, artsy and/or indie. I think I'll become moody and misunderstood and go and see it. Anyone care to join me?

A Kelly Clarkson Summer

Should I be concerned when my life relates to a WHOLE Kelly Clarkson album?
I think yes.

You know how when you're in the middle of relationship drama every song on the radio some how applies to you? Well. This summer I noticed a disturbing trend in my personal life: I could relate to almost all the songs on the latest album from Kelly Clarkson.


Kelly. I like you and all but I'm not sure how I feel about this:

1. I Do Not Hook Up - Remember the booty call incident? Ya. This song literally stopped me from allowing it.
   




2. Long Shot - Due to my spontaneous nature I sometimes throw myself into situations which cause my more responsible and risk averse side to, for lack of a better term, freak out. This song talked me down after committing to a week long trip with a certain guy.




3. Tip of my Tongue - Oh the anger relationships can cause when they start to become inconsistent. This song doesn't apply to anyone in particular due to the fact that I dated multiple interesting individuals this summer. What drove me nuts was when they would be in love of me one week and randomly disappear on me the next. "Why are women crazy?!" men ask? It's because you make us crazy. The end.
   




4. Already Gone - The song I sobbed to on my way to work after things ended with the guy I gave the long shot to.




5. Ready - I've been feeling oh so happy and content lately. Grounded even. I've never felt more whole in my entire existence. It's so out of the norm for me I can only call it a gift from the Divine. It makes me feel like all this drama hasn't been for nothing.
   

PS. I'm sleeping in Virginia Beach tonight. Out my window is the Atlantic, the full moon reflecting off it's white-capped shore breaks. As I gazed out at those hypnotizing waters I realized in all my trips East I had never been in the Atlantic. Tonight I remedied that.

Ambivalence

I was chatting with Kat a couple of weeks ago about how she and her honey-bunny Steve have been married for a year now. Wow, that's nuts to me. Anywho. She was baffled as to how ambivalent she had been toward him when they first met. She was just kinda like, "Whatever." with little to no interest. Looking back it broke her heart that she ever thought of the man she deeply loves like that.

She then said, "Meesh I wonder what guy you're ambivalent to that could be perfect for you."

Her simple statement sunk deep into me and lately, I have to admit, I've been seeing the day-in and day-out guys in my life differently. Sometimes I think I'm so wanting and waiting for someone to wake up and see ME differently, but what am I doing to see others differently? To see them with value and worth and beauty and goodness beyond what they choose to outwardly show?

That being said I met plenty of guys this weekend who, while nice, were not interesting to me. As in my brain went on screen saver while they were talking. A few of my favorite quotes from this weekend:

• "Ya basically I'm living out of my price range but I've got student loans so I'm like, 'Live it up!' " - Stake Halloween party dude.
  



• "Basketball is my life! I really don't have time to do anything else because I have two leagues I play in and have to keep track of how my Jazz are doing!" - Former interest doused by completely yawn-worthy ward prayer conversation.
  



• "You haven't seen Star Fighter?! Were you born under a rock? Mullets and Nintendo are what define a movie as a classic." -said by the BO reeking Geek Squad I got cornered by at a Friday night party.
  

Being ambivalent is one thing. Being bored (or bugged) out of my mind is quite another.

Master of None

I find myself to be mediocre at best. Truly. I was coming home from yoga last night reveling in the post-beating endorphins and was thinking about how hard it is and how crappy I am at it. But I'm not bad at it either. And that got me thinking about the other things I'm crappy at but not bad at either:

1. Athletics - I'm not athletic at all. I like being active but I guarantee I'll be in the back of the pack in any race, hike, or sport. None-the-less if I can release myself from comparisons, I really enjoy doing it all.

   
   

2. Music - I love to sing and play the piano. No one's going to pay money to listen to me but I find it to be a great source of expression and relief.
   


3. Creativity - I used to spank art competitions in grade school. I even took some painting classes at school. I own an easel for heavens sake! I love pottery but all my stuff looks like a 3 year old made it and then sat on it.


4. Analysis - I have a very analytical mind but put anything with math in front of me and my brain goes on screen saver. Literally. Just. Stops. And I was pretty good at math in school. What gives?!


5. Spirituality - Boy do I love Jesus but I forget about Him around Monday at 9am. It's hard to keep the Spirit alive in my life - a constant struggle really.
   

In this somewhat positive/negative thought process I realized I'm really well rounded! I also realized that these weaknesses are actually really good for my competitive soul. I'm always pushing myself, still trying to improve, but I've realized I'm never going to be a master at most of the things in my life. And I think that's ok, as long as I keep trying.

What things are you good at but not?

Halloween Apathy

Sarah and I at one of our hosted murder dinner parties.

Ever since I was a wee lass I've always been SUPER excited about Halloween. Any opportunity to dress up in fancy clothes and jewelry was alright by me and this was the time of year in which it was actually encouraged! Many a night in the weeks prior to Halloween were spent digging through my Mom's vintage dresses and jewelry putting together just the right look. I remember being a gypsy in the 4th grade, a prom queen in the 5th, and my favorite was a "Cinderella" look with my Mom's homecoming dress in the 6th. Ah nostalgia...

The black wig.
I've been just about everything in it: Chinese girl, Cher, Cleopatra... love that thing.

The years since have been a similar melee of excitement. The older I've gotten the more extravagant the costumes. I'll stop by the local theatre to actually rent some fancy gettup. I've even taken up hosting murder parties in the past couple of years.

One of the hosted murder parties


Maybe it's about having motivated friends to get excited with?

And then I hit the wall. Ugh. Something HAPPENED this year and I couldn't be less motivated to "celebrate" all hallows eve. I haven't even carved a pumpkin! Pretty sure that's a first in my life's history.

Ah the simplicity of yesteryear

I was watching Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin last night and appreciated the simplicity in their costumes: sheets with the occasional mask. It's a highly tempting look.

One of my simpler costumes capitalized on political scandal.
That year I was "the intern."

And then there are the parties. Oh the parties! Could I be invited to more freaking parties?! And they're spread from the bottom of Utah county to the top of Salt Lake County. Instead of excitement I feel pressure. I feel like I have to go to every last one and if I don't I won't be doing "my part" to meet my husband. Oh gosh, the life of the "older" single female.

This was just last year. Last year I was IN it.
What the heck happened 2009?

Is it so wrong that I want to make an appearance at ONE party and then recruit some friends to come over and watch some almost-scary-movie like "Watchers in the Woods?"

But alas, I have a lifetime of expectations to uphold and I will be delivering. Heading to the old costume shop today. Couldn't be more excited. Woohoo... {insert Eeyore voice here}

Oblivious

Well duh!
Ya, some things are not as obvious to some of us.

You know those moments when you realize someone likes you like THAT?

Evidently I'm oblivious to the more subtle gestures of interest. So when a certain gentleman suddenly became more obvious, my reaction to dawning realization?

"Oh! Oh...."

I'm ridiculous.

Poor guy.

In what ways are YOU oblivious?

More of the Little Peeps

Last Sunday evening I swooped up to Kari's house for the final weekend of Fall. That could only mean one thing: family photo time!

Sadly we didn't have much light left by the time I arrived, but we were able to caputre a few gems of the motely crew.

There are blue eyes and then there are blue eyes. Jax, darling, you have the latter.

Couldn't be a better representation of the truth than this.

Ah now that's more like it.

And then, of course, my favorite shot from the whole shoot.

Someday I will have a daughter and I hope she looks just like you my darling Paiters-taiters.

Little Peeps

Dude! G-man! When did you get permission to grow up?! Gosh amighty!

One of literally hundreds I took and finally got one where they are ALL looking at the camera at the same time.

Phew!

Even Paiters Taiters can't believe it.

And then moments later looking about as precious as you can be.

The Decision Continuum

I've been pondering this post for awhile now. And I think it's time to get it out of my head and down on "paper" - or pixels in this case.

In the LDS faith we believe that one of the greatest treasures we have is our ability to make choices. Freedom to choose to be exact. Agency to be precise. We believe our Heavenly Father valued our agency so much that there was a war in heaven over it. It's true. There was. Yet often in our decision making process we become so paralyzed by making a choice - probably from not wanting to make the wrong choice - that in a way we want to give our choices back to God. "Here, I know you protected this agency of mine by all you deemed holy, but would you mind taking it back and making this choice for me? K, thanks bye."

Sound familiar?

Let's get into some of my life specifics for examples. Once upon a time I was dating this guy. Being the risk-averse person that I was I starting wanting to know relatively quickly if it was "right" for me to be dating him. No answer. Things continued to be hard + me paranoid that God had not stamped it with the golden seal of "right to be dating" and so I killed it. Dead. Phew. Dodged that bullet I tell you what!

A few weeks ago the same scenario happened to me. Serves me right. But it got me thinking about how we make decisions. And maybe more about how God helps us make decisions.

Let's visualize a continuum in which right and wrong are destination points. You're cruising along this path with any number of small and large life choices to make. Date or not to date? Marry or not to marry? School or not to school? You want to know if the choice you've made is right or wrong.


In our perfect world we would believe that a) Good feelings = right and Bad feelings = wrong. We would also like MANY times for god Well if life's journey is about gaining experience and learning from that, does a loving Heavenly Father stop you on a path that's wrong as soon as you start down it? Or does He tell you right away that you're on the right path as soon as you step foot on it? Sometimes yes. But in my experience, often no. Would you agree?

I would argue that instead of telling us the end from the beginning He gives us hints along the way. Baby steps of discernment to let us know not that a decision or path is right or wrong but that it is good or bad. Often when I start down a course of action I have no clue if it's right, but I might have a good feeling about it, or it makes sense and so I continue forward. Along the way of "I don't know how this is gonna turn out but it seems good" I usually come to a point of knowledge of the path's nature. But it usually isn't a choice I make, "Dear God, I've decided this is right. Ta-daa!" It's more like, "Dear child, thanks for going down this path, that path was a good choice. And guess what it's right for you!" or heart breakingly, "Dear child, I know this path was a good path for you to take, but it's not what I want for you. Please exit stage left."

Which gets me to my second idea that just because a path is good doesn't mean it's right. It was good for me, but not the destination of where I belonged. But I can't begrudge the teacher for the experience, because it was still good for me. So. It is possible to go down a good path and arrive at wrong but it is not possible to go down a bad path and arrive at right. Let me tell ya... I know that one for sure.

And that brings me to my third point: hard does not equal bad. I think many people start down a path and run into difficulty. Suddenly the hormones fade (um, 2 month fade anyone?), things get hard, life gets real, and we start to wonder, "Did I make the WRONG choice?" Panic! Anxiety! Bailage! You know how many self-fulfilling prophecies I've seen on this one? Sometimes believing something is the case makes it become so. Ugh. Often I freak out at beginnings of relationships. I've had my fair share of them and so with that comes some, duh duh duhhhh: baggage. Now if I interpreted every hard feeling I've ever had: anxiety, fear, insecurity, neediness (yuck), nervousness; as being bad then I probably would never EVER pursue ANY relationship let alone anything that incited those reactions in me. I've also known great feelings in relationships: happiness, mental clarity, chemistry, attraction; but even those feelings can mask deeper problems in a relationship and shouldn't be relied upon as stamps of "right".

Some might wonder, how do I discern or know how to interpret my feelings? Does hard = bad? Does manic-ly joyful = good? Well, honestly I can't answer that one for you. This is the personal part where I think God will fill you in on what's going on and help you interpret your feelings.

I have come to know that God probably isn't going to tell us straight off the bat in our decisions if something's right or wrong. So I don't think we should pray to know that. I think we should pray to know if something is good or bad for us. If we pursue the good and it ends up wrong, so be it. But if we don't try, then we don't do. And if we don't do... why are we here?

Boston in a daze...

And... I'm back.

And... I'm really tired from acquiring a version of the stomach flu.

But... I was a trooper and survived (and enjoyed) a wedding in the fa-reezing cold of New England Fall, dancing with a little amigo grandpa at the following reception, getting snowed in and not getting to go to New Hampshire and cruising around downtown Boston in the aftermath of the aforementioned stomach flu.

Thanks Monica and family for a thoroughly relaxing weekend!

PS. Does anyone else feel super sad when they get back from vacation? Feeling like I should be planning another one right about... now.

Crappy Packer

That's right. I'll admit it. Despite my massive experience with traveling, I am a crappy packer. I think I'm crappy at packing primarily BECAUSE I've traveled so much. And while I'm usually traveling to places where I can acquire anything I really need, it still sucks to arrive at my hotel and realize I've forgotten my toothbrush, mascara, or in one of my least favorite scenarios, underwear.

Ya, that wasn't fun.

Wish me luck on packing tonight! Oh and I'll have some fun pictures for us to enjoy when I get back so hold tight for a few days.

I the meantime enjoy this fun video and the recipe for what sounds like the world's greatest chocolate chip cookie (which if I made I'd find a way to ruin):